MAY 15* LOVE
LOVE IS A VERB
When I was younger I used to think of LOVE as something so different then I do now in my life. Before I was married I thought LOVE meant the same thing to everyone. That all of my needs, desires, and fantasy's would come true from that one special person. And I was RIGHT! but instead of it being the OTHER person -IT WAS ME! I am truly the only one that knows what I want, desire, need, and fantasize about. Back then unless you had proven your worthiness and only then did I let you into that sacred,Nirvana space I called my heart. Damn, I had had the HIGHEST expectations of how LOVE was supposed to look, and feel, not only in my marriage, but in ALL my relationships. As I look back now I see the HUGE FIRE HOOPS I would make people jump through if they wanted to be in my life. Damn, how stressful and suffocating for them, and just flat out annoying. I had pushed away a lot of sweet people, who just wanted to play with me, LOVE ME as they do LOVE, and give me that same freedom. But I needed more then that, a contract of sorts, a set of rules that were to be kept in order for me to feel safe, letting me know that I was not wasting my precious time with someone who was not willing to give me their everything. I see how I was protecting myself BIG TIME. My heart has felt broken, nurtured, closed off, full of God, electrified, naked, burned, glowing, and busted wide open. None of this could have happened without these relationships and the huge mirror that they each held up in front of me to be able to see myself as I TRULY was.  Each of my beautiful angels showed me how open, free, and giving I can be, and others how shut down, prideful, and hard I can be on myself and others. LOTS of friendships! A couple of boyfriends, but the most POWERFUL mirror of them all to this day is my relationship with my husband Benjamin Soul Kai(Kai means ocean in Hawaiian-Such a cool name!) Foust. This man came into my life and then I realized what LOVE meant to me. The depths of what I was willing to go to experience it, share it, and give it UNCONDITIONALLY. Yes, LOVE is a verb to me! I feel PURE GRATITUDE to be playing through life with such an amazing man whose meaning of LOVE is so similar to mine. We both understand that we can't give love if we don't have it for ourselves, and that like the ocean LOVE  is always moving, changing, and that THIS is the moment to express it, share it, and nurture it.
My heart is full.
 My heart is HUGE!
And I am now in LOVE with how I LOVE!
--LOVING YOU!!